More tranny stories later!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
