im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ketchup is God's man juice
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
