She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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