i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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