i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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