I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
