Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
