so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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