Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
