I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize