I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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