yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Someone came in the potted fern
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
