Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
