Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
