i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
