I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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