I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
