This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
