Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
