I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
