Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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