when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
