My cat gives me a boner
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
