how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The power of my boobs compel you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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