There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
