Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
