lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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