I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
