I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
