Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
