How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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