Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
