Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
