i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
