FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
