girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh god it's open bar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
