He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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