Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
