i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
