can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
