You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
