I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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