everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
