I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
