I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
