If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
