I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
