Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
