This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
