took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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