): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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