I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
