Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.

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(301): View more from Maryland

if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant

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(719): View more from Colorado

just survived the first fart of the relationship.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?

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(404): View more from Georgia

It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers

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(094): View more from

After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.

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(514): View more from Quebec

Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention

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