i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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