Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize