I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's shark week go big or go home
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
