Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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