i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
