woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
this will be a night to untag.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
