I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
