you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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