your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
