lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
