There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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