a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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