you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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