i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
